Good evening nobody
I want to tell you a story about one seriously humiliating week! Especially in the light of my tangent about shitty bosses. I’m setting myself up for some laughs, but honestly I can’t keep being rosy-cheeked about this for long! I am going crazy here, so maybe if I share this horrifically embarrassing tale, and assuming you laugh at me, I might laugh at it too!
Alright, so the little one I au pair is quite frankly the cutest thing since she was born, and a natural raconteur! She is definitely a genius, but only 4 years old. Her parents are these amazing young people living the f out of life and laughing at every hardship. It’sau a fantastic working environment.
Anyway, the little one, let’s call her A for now, has an elder sister who is going through puberty and quite private about her ‘private parts’. And as a result, every afternoon at nap time A lectures me about not looking at her bits. Well, it usually goes the same and I tell her I’m not interested in seeing them and she gets over it.
However! Monday was an exception.
A: “You musn’t look at my privates! Only my mommy and daddy can look at my privates because they are my family…”
C: “Yes, that’s right A.”
A: “And I cant look at your privates.”
C: “No, you can’t.”
A: “But my daddy has a video on his cell phone of you naked. I’ve seen your privates.”
A: “Yes, you are blowing a kiss and then I can see your private parts! Like this!”
Well, I was definitely shitting myself at this point. What? Does any such video of me exist? No. Any photograph? No… Maybe he just has some porn on his phone… Most guys do these days don’t they? Shit I don’t know.
C: A, it’s definitely not me.
She starts falling asleep and I start calming down, only to be shocked once more! Her eyes open, in a freaky fast kind of way.
A: But my daddy said it was you.
C: A it isn’t me.
A: I promise you.
Now, I’ve learnt with A, a promise means its the truth. Now I am freaking out! So in the evening, I turn to my parents for advice and they agree; this is weird. I wait until the next morning, actually forgetting about it due to a huge essay deadline. Then I’m reminded. I have to confront this guy!
I send him a message on whatsapp just asking him to talk to her and explain that it wasn’t me. He reads it, takes ages to reply, but eventually responds with this:
"LOL, don’t worry, she saw one of your previous profile pics and thought it a bit racy (her exact words were ‘she’s got her boobs out’). Her very active imagination has spilled out of control. Foolishly I thought it amusing at the time but then [mom] tried explaining to her that it’s not what she thought… But the little one was set on it, so now she’s assassinating your character, because of a racy whatsapp profile picture. We cannot tell her it wasn’t you… Because it was just your innocent profile pic and she knows it’s you… You are going to have to be slightly more demure with your profile pics, your current one is okay…”
How bloody embarrassing! “Slightly more demure”??? I don’t consider my profile pictures racy or provocative, and you can judge for yourself, I’ll upload it. Anyway, a whole bloody back-and-forth between us ensued, and [mom] got involved too. What a distraction.
All I can say is thank goodness I only see them every now and then, I am dreading our next encounter. The man thinks I accused him of showing his daughter porn! Needless to say, my profile picture is currently a question mark thingy!
Cat profile pictures from now on…